Blogger: Things I Know, Seen, Tell - Publish Status

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THINGS I KNOW, SEEN, TELL

Matter of Time

Brother, tall, fine, popular.....Lot's of friends and smart.  Nothing was absent in the other, it was about charisma, it was about chosen path. One always looking for more when it was inside the whole time. It was a matter of time.

The quietness of one, the need for excitement in the other.  It was the fear for one, the lack of fear in another.  It was living the role portrayed in the movies for one, while the one chose what upbringing and society had deemed acceptable. He could have, he had the thoughts, but he thought of the consequences.  It was a matter of time.

It was the involution of drugs.  To be part of what was new, to be reigned king in a unknown soon to be released downfall of community, of one's self.    That which lined the pockets deeply lost it's value.  Defiling others nature, demeaning one by the taunts of look what I have, look what I can make you do.  It was a matter of time.

It was not Mack and Third, but there is a Mack and Third in every city.  Citizens driving by as if it is not there, never thinking of how easy it could be them.  Their minds racing "get a job."   Loyal souls devote time, aiding those less fortunate.  Families visit to drop off money, items, and cry as they leave still questioning how and why.

No matter the city, the human element is the same, eyes without a face.  Budget cuts have now evicted those in need of mental care to neighbor with those who are attempting to reach up.  Waiting list long for those seeking treatment for addiction, relapses occur before treatment. Faltering now to defeat. It's a matter of time.

 Residing with those who have lost hope. Their is no reaching, there is only existing..  Just as there is a grasp someone or something is stepping on their fingers. the grip is lost.  Bad things they happen, it's all divine, he saw it as such.  It's a mater of time.

The involution of values is when an otherwise convenient and decent system of values is taken to its inevitable logical conclusion and results in an indecent or inconvenient result.  This is what has happened in our society, the inclination of  addiction, mental illness, killings, poverty and lay offs  have been exemplified and eyes have become blind.. What can we do when the help is now fractured with budget cuts and give ups   It's a matter of time.

People can go from bad to good in the blink of an eye, so can I.  I did, it was a matter of time before I could find my way home, before I got it together.  It's a matter of time.

There is hope, there are dreams, there is achievement.  It's a matter of time before some get it together, where are you  in the equation to say that you helped.  It's a matter of time.

How Can One Hate

I witnessed a woman today spewing hatred.  A blackened snake spewing venom.  What would make a person contain so much hatred?  How can one hold so much anger. What bitterness has been self-imposed to dominate this meanness.  Seeing a person angry, or having seen someone mad, but to be so belligerent in honestly seemed to be a sign of insanity.

We have a the ability to chose who we are and what we will contribute.  To be expressive of kindness and joy.  To exhibit happiness and positive attitude.  I have made a conscious choice, to show kindness.  Despite how I feel I know that I'm blessed, how can I then have a display a negative attitude.  What right do I have to take my feelings and then attempt to plant them on you.  I don't, I can't, but there are those who do.  We all have seem them and shake our head.

God bless the child who has it's own.  I thought of her past and maybe this could have an affect on her adulthood.  Life's journey was a bumpy ride for the child.  Is this where the resentment lies?

When speaking of the past the darkness of her skin is always noted.  Is this it, was her dark skin an area where she felt inadequate, displaced.  To overcome it she became mean and hateful.  Envious of others for her own skin color.  Relying on the length of her hair to define her, but not loving her self enough to overcome.

Allowing  her problems to bring her to the brink of stress and the reliance mood altering substance to mellow her defeated attitude. It's not working, it's not enough.  It keeps coming back, haunting, fanning the flames of delusion.  Not accepting responsibility for her own actions. she must now be boastful and spew the life failures on others.

The smiling face when she speaks of whites, it's as if the nastiness is enjoyable in her mouth.  God help her.  God helps us all, there our million of hers and hims in this world.  She is the first I have encountered.  She is the first that I can see a transition in her face, that is not her own.  The walk becomes heavy as she stomps around like a game hunter.  Who can she now prey.  That's how much the hatred governs her, how it has entrapped her.

It is amazing that a person feels that it's necessary that they must speak each thought.  Whether it slights another or hurts a person's feelings.  That neck turning, talking loud and the use of profanity insults one in hearing range.  It assaults every sense of ones being in ear shot.  Literally, assaulting because of the foulness encloses the entire area as if a gas has been released.  Negativity and unhappiness is not a joint connotation that anyone wants to be in arms reach.  An aura of an individual shows, and she wears the crown of black thunder.

It saddens me that her children are witness to this behavior and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.   Breeding more vengeful and intolerant individuals to spew their venom.  To be taught that white people are to be mistreated.  To hold themselves above authority.  To attempt to undermine and degrade anyone that they can mistreat.  To attempt to manipulate and use bullying techniques to get what they want.  Do I think laughter is after each play, no.  I believe that this is the way they they believe they have a right to act.  What sickens me is there is no remorse, no conviction, there is no seeing wrong.  She has no conscious.

The Bible says to pray for your enemies.  The Bible says to love.  The Bible says that I have a responsibility.  What I have decided to do is give it to God.  To say to Him that He is the only one that can take away her pain.  He is the only one that can heal her hurt.  He is the only one that can make her love another, to learn to love herself.  He is the only one with loving correction, convict her of her actions.  He is the only one that can take a child in a woman's body and make it whole.

ATT and Phillips

I hate the newest ATT Commercial.  The one which the husband sticks his head out the door and tells his wife that he has saved them money.  She looks at him with disdain and then proceeds to tell him she should have married another man.  It's such a demeaning response.  It's apparent that this man has had to feel rejection throughout this marriage from this bitchy woman.  Am I reading too much in it, maybe, but am I suppose to believe that a focus group found this acceptable?

My other complaint is my Phillips Go Gear Vibe MP3 player.  I hate it.  When I have to charge it it takes forever to update.  This is with a charge?  To download new music the process is easy BUT the updating process is forever.  Update...freeze...reset...update....freeze...reset. Ridiculous.  I spoke by chat with a Phillips Customer Service Rep last night.  Just wanted to noted that this Go Gear Vibe, priced at $60.00 is not worth it.  Answer...sorry we cannot find that you registered your product.  My recommendation to consumers, don't buy it.  The frustration level is not worth it.

Ain't Understanding Meloow

Ain’t Understanding Mellow

I recently heard it

It’s been well over ten years

Oh thank God for you

. we were able to see

Just how wrong we were

I wanted you to listen.

There was a time I would call

Could call

“Guess what I heard today”

and you would sing a line or two

say you remember and we talk about where we were

when we heard it

You probably have it in your collection.

For whatever reason

many reasons

maybe even none in particular

I found it very emotional

As a prose

Those lyrics

Try to make it easier for me

A personal reflection

Of you and me

You didn’t try to hide yourself

Oh no need to explain.

You’re the kind of man you are

To be so understanding

In honoring someone else

Their insecurities

You have but to count on me

Yeah ‘n I’ll be right by your side

I won't call.

Try to make it easier for me

For you

I just finished reading a book

I wanted to tell you about it

Recommend you read it.

Or better yet say

“You know what you should do”

Ain’t understanding mellow

So we could share

Tell you my favorite chapters

Concur on its statements

My amazement

A quality about myself that I

finally recognized

I thank God for you we were able to see

Just how wrong we were

The book, I just spoke about

If it had not just recently been written

I would believed that you had already read it

Embracing its concepts

Making it easy for me to accept its philosophy

I’ve seen them work in your life

The traits in you

Your perception about life

I’m glad I read it

It takes away the credit I’ve given you

There’s a man who understands

How hard it is to take your hand

And try to explain

Therein lies in you what I deemed

Your character

What I admired about you

I found it in a book

You have but to count on me

‘n I’ll be right by your side

You said that day would come

I would see you for who you were

O thank God for you

for it’s very nice to see

There’s a man who understands

Try to make it easier for you

And not pick up the phone

And say

Listen I just heard have you read help

guess what can you believe how are you

Your knew my voice

Recognized its emotions

There’s a gaping hole

Making me now reach out to

others to fill in a gap

Opening a new network

Oh thank God for you

Ironically you did me a favor

When I was satisfied with

the two tin cans

tied to a string

it was very effective

it had some semblance of a relationship

that was unique

a friendship of believing

that we really knew each other

You’re the kind of man you are

To be so understanding

I think of the word

Insecure

Try to make it easier for me

And its definitions

Its connotation

The meaning

My decrypting and have yet

To understand what it had to do 

with you me our friendship

We were able to see just how wrong

we were.

I held onto our friendship that

..... wherever you go

You have but to call on me

I’m gonna be right by your side

You would be by mine

Now I believe something

Which you said about yourself

being a fucked up child...

Ain’t understanding mellow

One of your qualities

Efficiency

It’s all about efficiency

In all areas of your life

The book, the one I

Couldn’t tell you about

Call you

Speaks about the energy which is

Our thoughts that we pivot into the universe

comes back to us

Your generosity compassion

understanding humor helpfulness

thoughtfulness therefore

pivots into the universe

and returns to you

Adding to that you like to fix

those who are insecure

and that pivots back to you

Ain't understanding mellow

Our thoughts return to us as that

Imagine

Oh thank God above

For your thoughts of me

Strong courageous secure

Ain’t understanding mellow.   

The Help

I haven't seen the movie, nor have I read the book.  I've lived it.  My mother was The Help.  She was called a domestic or a day worker.  It was her only employment.  From the time I was small she always had several different homes she cleaned.  From that profession and income she raised six children.

Mrs. SoandSo on Monday and Mrs. SoandSo on Wednesday. She normally worked three days a week when I was small.  She would leave early in the morning to catch a bus.  This bus ride would take her to some suburban area to clean a white family's home.

We would hear of the details of that home later that day.  My mother was very descriptive allowing us to use our imaginations.  Detailing we could tell you exactly what the house looked like.  The diagram of the home, layout of the furniture, name brand of the clothing and even the canned goods..  She would describe the cleanliness of the home and it would be anywhere from nasty to trifling.  Trifling was the word you never wanted her to call you, it meant you didn't try, didn't care and wouldn't amount to less than that.  One word, expressive of so many meanings.

You never had to ask, you could tell if it was an easy day by the way she dropped in the chair.  She didn't say to us but listening to her phone call,  she would tell of the Mrs asking her to do this or that, more than what she expected, more than she was willing..  My mother needing the money, needing the job, would politely state what she had already through their communication agree to do.  Nothing more nothing less.

We would hear of the children, spoiled, insolent, bratty or just downright rude.  We would take these things in and knew if we in any way, shape or form acted, said or behaved in this manner we would get our asses beat.   Not only did my mother teach us to be respectful, the lifestyle of these families told us, that in our behavior alone, we were better.

We heard about the beautiful furniture or dishes and the artwork, but how beautiful is something when the house is in turmoil.  We thought, we who have nothing (in comparison), had a mother who was not anxiety ridden, who did not have a hidden alcohol problem, who was not subservient in order to have the lifestyle that she wished, we had happiness.

Returning home sometimes with hand me downs that one of the six of us could fit she was tired.  Leaving home in the dark and returning home in the dark we did not assail her with our problems until she had sat and rested for a moment.  Then our onslaught would began of who did what, said what, didn't do.

She had spent three hours that day just on the bus or waiting for one.  Cleaned three to four bedrooms, living room, kitchen, rumpus room, laundry and two to three bathrooms.  Vacuuming, mopping and being asked did she do windows.  The expectation that someone would desire from another human for a days pay and bus fair was pathetic.  Some would say help your self to whatever you find to eat and others would place a sandwich on a table and call her to eat.  She never ate.  She never took anything, either.  She said people sometimes put things places to see if you would take it, such as change on a dresser.  They knew how much was there.  Or change on the floor, pick it up and place it where they can see it. Honesty was a must to be the help.

One male newscaster, a prominent figure at the time in our local news had skid marks in his shorts.  We would watch him and squeal with disgust.  My mother worked only a few times in his home before she quit,  keying the side of his wife's car as she walked out and down the driveway. This woman felt she had done my mother a favor in hiring her.  She placed out a sandwich made with dried out bread and a meat that was unrecognizable with it's hardened ends.  I can't remember if my mother refused eat or do a chore the woman requested,.  It really doesn't matter, we knew if  you pissed off my mother,  you pissed us off.  The newscaster called my mother, apologizing profusely for his wife's behavior and asked her to return, she said "no" maybe it was "hell no," I don't remember.  He didn't say anything about his wife's car. We told all our friends about his skid marked shorts and jeered at the television when he came on.

One family had a home so large that this was her steady income for years.  Going there three times a week enabled her to clean the house completely.  She loved this family, particularly the wife.  She and the wife had a friendship that was not assaulted by color.  Two woman wanting the best for their families.  The husband worked long hours, he was an orthordonist and he always showed my mother the highest regard.  Their home was a distant from the bus stop so my mother was picked up and returned to the bus stop.  She said she was offered when it was cold a ride all the way home, she declined.

It was an onslaught of emotions for both women when the found out that the Mister had a mistress.  My mother was there holding her hand through the betrayal.  The Mrs kept her head high and her esteem up from what I believe, my mother's inspiration.  She had a son that was diagnosed with cancer and my mother, again was with her while she cried.  When the son died we felt sad as well, my mother cried..  When you hear the stories of the families you feel as if you knew them..  When the Mrs later died, years after my mother had stopped working for her, my mother cried.  She had lost a friend.

My mother would go on to work for a family on another side of town for over 16 years.  Daily she went and it was the same.  It was a fast paced home, everyone seemed to have an urgency or a few lack of.  Empty dishwasher from last night's dinner, put in dishes from morning breakfast.  Start the first load of laundry, make the beds, clean the bathrooms, three.  Clothes in dryer, start another load.  Run sweeper in living room, sweeper in bedrooms.  Iron the shirts, dust mop the family room.  Unload the dishwasher, mop the kitchen, mop the bathrooms.  Take folded clothes to bedrooms, put away.  Go home, tomorrow would be the same.

On occasions when my mother had an appointment, one of her three girls would fill in.  We knew the routine. In later years my mother's health failed and we took turns going, my mother needed the income.  Eventually my sister took over the job and then my mother died.  A beautiful floral arrangement was sent to the church for my mom's service, very exotic, very large. 16 or 17 years she worked in their home, no one from that family attended her service.  It doesn't matter her funeral was standing room only.  My sister never went back, a call was made to our home, she never answered the phone.

The help knows more about you than you think.  Just because someone is cleaning your house don't think they don't see or know your problems.  The beauty of the help is, they don't tell.