Ain't Understanding Meloow

Ain’t Understanding Mellow

I recently heard it

It’s been well over ten years

Oh thank God for you

. we were able to see

Just how wrong we were

I wanted you to listen.

There was a time I would call

Could call

“Guess what I heard today”

and you would sing a line or two

say you remember and we talk about where we were

when we heard it

You probably have it in your collection.

For whatever reason

many reasons

maybe even none in particular

I found it very emotional

As a prose

Those lyrics

Try to make it easier for me

A personal reflection

Of you and me

You didn’t try to hide yourself

Oh no need to explain.

You’re the kind of man you are

To be so understanding

In honoring someone else

Their insecurities

You have but to count on me

Yeah ‘n I’ll be right by your side

I won't call.

Try to make it easier for me

For you

I just finished reading a book

I wanted to tell you about it

Recommend you read it.

Or better yet say

“You know what you should do”

Ain’t understanding mellow

So we could share

Tell you my favorite chapters

Concur on its statements

My amazement

A quality about myself that I

finally recognized

I thank God for you we were able to see

Just how wrong we were

The book, I just spoke about

If it had not just recently been written

I would believed that you had already read it

Embracing its concepts

Making it easy for me to accept its philosophy

I’ve seen them work in your life

The traits in you

Your perception about life

I’m glad I read it

It takes away the credit I’ve given you

There’s a man who understands

How hard it is to take your hand

And try to explain

Therein lies in you what I deemed

Your character

What I admired about you

I found it in a book

You have but to count on me

‘n I’ll be right by your side

You said that day would come

I would see you for who you were

O thank God for you

for it’s very nice to see

There’s a man who understands

Try to make it easier for you

And not pick up the phone

And say

Listen I just heard have you read help

guess what can you believe how are you

Your knew my voice

Recognized its emotions

There’s a gaping hole

Making me now reach out to

others to fill in a gap

Opening a new network

Oh thank God for you

Ironically you did me a favor

When I was satisfied with

the two tin cans

tied to a string

it was very effective

it had some semblance of a relationship

that was unique

a friendship of believing

that we really knew each other

You’re the kind of man you are

To be so understanding

I think of the word

Insecure

Try to make it easier for me

And its definitions

Its connotation

The meaning

My decrypting and have yet

To understand what it had to do 

with you me our friendship

We were able to see just how wrong

we were.

I held onto our friendship that

..... wherever you go

You have but to call on me

I’m gonna be right by your side

You would be by mine

Now I believe something

Which you said about yourself

being a fucked up child...

Ain’t understanding mellow

One of your qualities

Efficiency

It’s all about efficiency

In all areas of your life

The book, the one I

Couldn’t tell you about

Call you

Speaks about the energy which is

Our thoughts that we pivot into the universe

comes back to us

Your generosity compassion

understanding humor helpfulness

thoughtfulness therefore

pivots into the universe

and returns to you

Adding to that you like to fix

those who are insecure

and that pivots back to you

Ain't understanding mellow

Our thoughts return to us as that

Imagine

Oh thank God above

For your thoughts of me

Strong courageous secure

Ain’t understanding mellow.   

The Help

I haven't seen the movie, nor have I read the book.  I've lived it.  My mother was The Help.  She was called a domestic or a day worker.  It was her only employment.  From the time I was small she always had several different homes she cleaned.  From that profession and income she raised six children.

Mrs. SoandSo on Monday and Mrs. SoandSo on Wednesday. She normally worked three days a week when I was small.  She would leave early in the morning to catch a bus.  This bus ride would take her to some suburban area to clean a white family's home.

We would hear of the details of that home later that day.  My mother was very descriptive allowing us to use our imaginations.  Detailing we could tell you exactly what the house looked like.  The diagram of the home, layout of the furniture, name brand of the clothing and even the canned goods..  She would describe the cleanliness of the home and it would be anywhere from nasty to trifling.  Trifling was the word you never wanted her to call you, it meant you didn't try, didn't care and wouldn't amount to less than that.  One word, expressive of so many meanings.

You never had to ask, you could tell if it was an easy day by the way she dropped in the chair.  She didn't say to us but listening to her phone call,  she would tell of the Mrs asking her to do this or that, more than what she expected, more than she was willing..  My mother needing the money, needing the job, would politely state what she had already through their communication agree to do.  Nothing more nothing less.

We would hear of the children, spoiled, insolent, bratty or just downright rude.  We would take these things in and knew if we in any way, shape or form acted, said or behaved in this manner we would get our asses beat.   Not only did my mother teach us to be respectful, the lifestyle of these families told us, that in our behavior alone, we were better.

We heard about the beautiful furniture or dishes and the artwork, but how beautiful is something when the house is in turmoil.  We thought, we who have nothing (in comparison), had a mother who was not anxiety ridden, who did not have a hidden alcohol problem, who was not subservient in order to have the lifestyle that she wished, we had happiness.

Returning home sometimes with hand me downs that one of the six of us could fit she was tired.  Leaving home in the dark and returning home in the dark we did not assail her with our problems until she had sat and rested for a moment.  Then our onslaught would began of who did what, said what, didn't do.

She had spent three hours that day just on the bus or waiting for one.  Cleaned three to four bedrooms, living room, kitchen, rumpus room, laundry and two to three bathrooms.  Vacuuming, mopping and being asked did she do windows.  The expectation that someone would desire from another human for a days pay and bus fair was pathetic.  Some would say help your self to whatever you find to eat and others would place a sandwich on a table and call her to eat.  She never ate.  She never took anything, either.  She said people sometimes put things places to see if you would take it, such as change on a dresser.  They knew how much was there.  Or change on the floor, pick it up and place it where they can see it. Honesty was a must to be the help.

One male newscaster, a prominent figure at the time in our local news had skid marks in his shorts.  We would watch him and squeal with disgust.  My mother worked only a few times in his home before she quit,  keying the side of his wife's car as she walked out and down the driveway. This woman felt she had done my mother a favor in hiring her.  She placed out a sandwich made with dried out bread and a meat that was unrecognizable with it's hardened ends.  I can't remember if my mother refused eat or do a chore the woman requested,.  It really doesn't matter, we knew if  you pissed off my mother,  you pissed us off.  The newscaster called my mother, apologizing profusely for his wife's behavior and asked her to return, she said "no" maybe it was "hell no," I don't remember.  He didn't say anything about his wife's car. We told all our friends about his skid marked shorts and jeered at the television when he came on.

One family had a home so large that this was her steady income for years.  Going there three times a week enabled her to clean the house completely.  She loved this family, particularly the wife.  She and the wife had a friendship that was not assaulted by color.  Two woman wanting the best for their families.  The husband worked long hours, he was an orthordonist and he always showed my mother the highest regard.  Their home was a distant from the bus stop so my mother was picked up and returned to the bus stop.  She said she was offered when it was cold a ride all the way home, she declined.

It was an onslaught of emotions for both women when the found out that the Mister had a mistress.  My mother was there holding her hand through the betrayal.  The Mrs kept her head high and her esteem up from what I believe, my mother's inspiration.  She had a son that was diagnosed with cancer and my mother, again was with her while she cried.  When the son died we felt sad as well, my mother cried..  When you hear the stories of the families you feel as if you knew them..  When the Mrs later died, years after my mother had stopped working for her, my mother cried.  She had lost a friend.

My mother would go on to work for a family on another side of town for over 16 years.  Daily she went and it was the same.  It was a fast paced home, everyone seemed to have an urgency or a few lack of.  Empty dishwasher from last night's dinner, put in dishes from morning breakfast.  Start the first load of laundry, make the beds, clean the bathrooms, three.  Clothes in dryer, start another load.  Run sweeper in living room, sweeper in bedrooms.  Iron the shirts, dust mop the family room.  Unload the dishwasher, mop the kitchen, mop the bathrooms.  Take folded clothes to bedrooms, put away.  Go home, tomorrow would be the same.

On occasions when my mother had an appointment, one of her three girls would fill in.  We knew the routine. In later years my mother's health failed and we took turns going, my mother needed the income.  Eventually my sister took over the job and then my mother died.  A beautiful floral arrangement was sent to the church for my mom's service, very exotic, very large. 16 or 17 years she worked in their home, no one from that family attended her service.  It doesn't matter her funeral was standing room only.  My sister never went back, a call was made to our home, she never answered the phone.

The help knows more about you than you think.  Just because someone is cleaning your house don't think they don't see or know your problems.  The beauty of the help is, they don't tell.

11:00 Lights Out

11:00 Lights out, that's my house.  My sister sleeps on the family room floor.  At eleven all the lights are turned off and we are now summoned to go to our rooms.  She has a bedroom with a queen size bed.   The room also has nightstands, two sitting chairs, a desk with chair, a cabinet with each shelf positioned just so with smell goods.  Her shoes are lined up as if they were little soldiers.  Each garment if not hung is folded just right in little see through tubs.

It seems as if no one else sees this as a problem.  It's now nine am and the she is still sleep.  The television can't be turned on in order not to disturb her.  My music which I normally play is not heard, why, because she is still sleep, snoring like a bear.

I find it an evasion.  Evasion on solitude as well as disturbing.  The disturbance comes to my mind that there is definitely something wrong.  To make a conscious choice to sleep on a floor whether than a bed.

She says that the bed hurts her back, not so, that I protest to.  It's as if she wants to keep her room just so, a shrine.  It is to say how perfect and clean she is, yet she sleeps where seven peoples feet have walked.  It is my feeling that if I put my complaint into the atmosphere there will be change.

The children when having sleepovers will soon be able to enjoy our communal space.  If one is not sleepy they can stay up and watch television to their hearts content.    To be beckoned that it's every one's bedtime, who are definitely of the age to stay up all night if they so chose, seems to me it's time for a family meeting.

I'll close now the offensiveness of her behavior and snoring is unbearable.  Oh did I tell you even during the day it's difficult to be in the family room with her?  It is, she is in control of the remote, the master of its domain.  The volume always going above level 22, changing channels at every commercial break, watching shows always about killings and paranormal, should I be worried?

Remember Me

When you feel the wind it’s me kissing you

And when you feel the sun it’s my spotlight on you

And when you are in the darkness my arms surround you

You use to call my name

Remember me

I sent my son so the tears that fall should be you rejoicing

Did you know I’ve collected them all

I’m here to help you

There’s no reason to hide my love is there to lift you

Remember me

I’ve sent music to encourage you

My words to nourish you

Remember me

I have given you everything you need

When you felt alone I watched you

You had forgotten me

As you lay in bed

Sat in that chair

The things you said in your head

I heard them

I’ve listened to you scream

I saw the same things

You were so angry with me

Believing the lies that were told to you

You didn’t even want to think of me

When you hurt yourself

One more line, one more time,

One more cut, one more empty bed

Another drink, another lie

You had so much hatred

I saw everything

You didn’t want to remember me

So quickly the ones I love forget me

So my beloved

When you open your eyes

Remember me

With each breath you take

Remember I am in you

I said I would never leave you nor forsake you

Stop forgetting about me

When you feel the wind it’s me kissing you

With the sun I’m giving you strength

You can make it through

In the rain I’m cleansing you

And in the darkness when you feel alone

My arms are there comforting you

Remember me

                        

Broken

What broke first? Was it the little girl broken by hands that said kneel and pray Was it by a touch Was it by words Did the little girl cry Did the little girl hold it inside Did she believe the threats Did she no longer care You wiped your tears and swore to you yourself that you didn’t care anymore Did you swear no one would ever hurt you again Did you wish you were dead Did you wish death He loves you and your journey began

Broken

What broke first?  Was it the words Was it the slap Was it the fist Was it the hand over your mouth Was it that no one heard you scream When you dried your tears you swore to yourself what as you wiped away the blood He loves you and your journey began

Broken

What broke first?  When you lost your child before they were born before they could own this world When your child was taken When you were told you would never be a good mother When you cried for another try and you failed again and you cried and there was no one to help dry your eyes He loves you and your journey began

Broken

What broke first?  When he walked out the door When he said he didn’t love you anymore When you walked in on him and her When you packed your bags and said goodbye didn’t say anything When you cheated on him When you were called slut tramp whore frigid cold When you begged cried pleaded and there was no one to hear He loves you and your journey began

Broken

What broke first?  When you were criticized blamed scorned judged neglected Told you were ugly nappy hair curly hair Too fat too skinny Too black too pale  Never to amount to anything Told you were a liar You were a liar You too quiet too loud Just like your mother Just like your father Just like your mother Your acting like a boy Your not the favorite I should have aborted you You’re adopted He’s not your father Not enough discipline too much When you cried and no one heard He loves you and your journey began

Broken

What broke first?  When you would prove them correct and became rebellious defiant uncontrollable filled with despair rage succumb to temptation contracted a disease sexually life threatening addicting He loves you and your journey began

Broken

  

What broke first?  When did the hate anxiety depression set it When you lost your job When you lost your home When you were homeless When you lost your wealth your confidence your self esteem your morals your values When you didn’t reach your goals felt lonely felt confused felt guilty felt ashamed fearful When you were broke bruised angry abandoned hurt distrustful dirty raped molested drunk prostituted prostituting abused abusive He loves you and your journey began

Broken

When you lost your self He heard your cries It was journey It is your journey You are walking towards your purpose He loves you Broken Woman He’s healing mending building restoring forgiving comforting you your losses will be your gain removing your pain He felt He feels You’re His child rise up and walk in your purpose Broken Woman You have the ability power choices control You have wisdom hopes dreams You have found Him can find His love is constant tireless unfailing He will give you power strength patience understanding He loves you He has forgiven you covered you by His mercy and grace You are His joy Your fragmented pieces that were destroyed can be put back together He remembers exactly who you are His child He loves you seek Him and you will no longer be

 Broken

Vee My Joy and Pain

Joy and pain, This is what I told my brother he was to me and he was.  I even encouraged him to get it as his license plate, he never did.

Released in 1980, Joy and Pain was a song by Maze featuring Frankie Beverly.  The cover depicts blue clouds and a waterfall while the other side is red heat rising and the water flowing is live red lava.  Heaven and hell, God and devil, good and bad.  It has an upbeat tempo that makes your nod when you hear the introduction and then Frankie's voice wales through... a long vibration of  "hey and ohhhh" and life's lessons start to flow.

It was in 1980 when my brother began to be my joy and pain.  I take it back, he's been that to me all my life.  We always clashed.  We never sat next to each other, we never had anything nice to say.  It was not until years later that I found out why.

The song speaks of aspects that we have all experienced, or will.  It's a song that causes you to say "yeah."  "Remember when you first found love how it felt so good, thought it would last forever more, so you thought it would," and isn't that the case for most of us? Of course he's singing about a love we have in a relationship but I thought he would be with me forever or until we least grew old, older then what I am now.

  ".. suddenly the things you seen got you hurt so bad, so bad"  now that's bad when you have to add an extra one."  With him I experienced courtrooms, county jails, prison, allegations, addiction, money, his appearance, and his health.  Several times we were told by doctor's to tell him goodbye because he wouldn't make it, now that's some real stuff.  Tell him goodbye, even now it saddens me remembering standing next to his hospital bed to say what you can't say out loud, what he can't hear.  Not to be able to say what you really want to scream.  Fortunately, a reprieve was granted when he pulled through and to tell him hear him what I was thinking at the time and to hear him say "damn Tee."

Then zap...he was good, to be exact he was shining.  I didn't say it, others did.  He would come out of the hospital or out of jail or out of his addiction and he would shine.  I marveled at his resilience.  He was said to be invincible and this may have been the problem, maybe he thought he was.  The song goes on to say "how come the things that make us happy make us sad."

"Joy and pain are like sunshine and rain."  As in any relation "love can be bitter, love can be sweet"  and from our childhood riffs, it was.  When he was doing good, I didn't have to worry or defend him, ".the ones that you care for give us so much pain...it's alright, their both one and the same."  It is, and that was him, that was my brother.  Things that we characteristically wouldn't put up with another, for a sibling you do. Sure I would get mad and tell him so, sure we would fall out and he would stay away, but eventually we always made up.  He always said he was sorry, he always said he missed me.

"We go through life, going up and down."  This indeed we do, we take what life throws at us and keep it moving, this does not mean that we don't hurt in the process, we walk with it until he the road yields and it goes left.

"The things that turn you on, turn you around."  I say it for him and myself as well.  I say it for anyone when you get the wow factor. The factor that says it's alright, I'm not hurting anybody.  The factor that says it's my life.  The factor that says it's my prerogative, and you can't understand any one's concern.  The fact is that thing changed you.  The fact is one can see where it's detrimental to your being and you can't.  The fact is I'm losing you, your losing yourself.  From experience, what they can't see is not knowing how to fix it.

"When the world turns your around, love is somewhere around.," and it's only by this vessel that changes can be made.  Love brings it back, not judgement, disdain or anger.  It's the love that says I messed up, but you love me.  It's finding the love you have for yourself that was trashed with a reprobate behavior.  Already so many misgivings from the errors, already the hurt and shame, all is needed is love to make you shine. No one needs another enemy, especially when you've become your worse.

He was my sunshine and he was my rain.  I found Vincent dead Christmas 2009.

God had told me he would die, he also said we all have to die (an aha moment), but it wouldn't be from addiction, and it wasn't.  It saddens me that he was alone, I guess it was the way it had to be.  Another hospital stay would have heeded in history repeating itself in the doctors saying  tell him goodbye. God loving us the way he does, would have honored our request, this time He did it His way so He could have his son back  Now this outlook I give credit to my sister.  She had to tell me this which helped get me over a portion of my grief.

  That's what makes it grow it has to have both.

At a funeral there's lots of carnations.  At his there was only roses.  Lots and lots of roses.  I found it overwhelming, and it still is to me.  The same one that I loved the most, the same one that was my joy and pain, was just that to to others as well.  You don't give roses unless he was your best...joy and pain.

The Past

Wrinkled faces

each indentation telling a story

of a time past,

and whimsical dreams.

Indentations of tormented moments,

deep thoughts,

and life through squinted eyes.

The face once smooth

now hold wrinkles,

it can now cradle and contain

the tears that flow.

Happiness of birth and sorrow

from death,

driven aches of fear,

and the thrill from delight.

The past etched in the faces

like words etched in granite stone,

Dearly Beloved.

Some Him

I Love Me Some Him by Toni Braxton is another secular song that has spiritual connotation.  The lyrics "I love me some him, I'll never love this way again.  I love me some you, another man will never do"  It's straight forward from a spiritual and religious standpoint in becoming a christian.  I love you enough to be baptized in your name, I love you enough to know that you won't hurt me, nor will never leave or forsake me.  I know that I know with you I'll have eternal life. The love of Jesus is like no other and I want have that type of  love with another , it just not humanly possible.  That bond, oh what a fellowship, oh what a joy divine.   There is no rejection and it has nothing against man, it is what it is, a man humanly cannot do what Jesus does.

"You came along and changed my life, told me things would be alright and they were thanks to you.  Now I have strength to carry on,  for in my heart you have a home."  He changed my life, His word said I would have trials and tribulations in the world so I don't walk around on a cloud thinking I won't have problems; I've had them, I've got them BUT I can face them with confidence that He will give me peace in the midst of the storm.  I believe that "He Can Work It Out."

There are days when it's phew..I want to give up but I just sing "you came along and changed my life told me things would be alright" and I recant all the things he has brought me through "and they were thanks to you."  Just singing "I have the strength to carry on, for in my heart you a home," may have to sing it through more than once but it clinches in my heart, your there, you are with me. He is always with me.

 I believe that things will be alright  because I love me some Him...

He Loves Me The Way I Am

There is music that is secular yet it holds great meaning to me on a spiritual level.  The words may not have the connotation throughout the song, but a phrase can catch me.  A mere line capturing me, allowing me to to believe that's how I feel about Jesus or how He feels about me. " I know you love me the way I am" is one of those lines.

I'll Be Sweeter has a line that says "I always like to be on my P's and Q's, I don't want to miss nothing nice I can do for you,  I know you love me the way I am  but something inside of me says do more, do more if you can." To know that He loves me the way I am, that he sees in me what I can't see in myself.  To know that I can come to Him just the way I am and he can love me is amazing.  He, the author and finisher, already has seen my bottoms, my worst, my meanness, my wickedness, and nasty ways and said "I love you the way you are."  I didn't have to change or clean my act up first.  I didn't have to pretend or manipulate.  I didn't have to hide my fears or shame.  I didn't have to ...that's the point,  I didn't have to do anything and the outcome; He loves me the way I am..

"I"ve got news for you, good news  for you,  I'm going to be much sweeter to you than I was yesterday." That's what I tell Him.   It is my desire just as it was His desire to save me.  My love for Him unencumbers such an overwhelming joy that I wish to spread His word, His love, by my own words, by my own actions and my reaction.  It is from His love that I can be more than I was yesterday.

"You call me your sugar and spice girl, your everything nice girl."  Because he calls me girl.  Everyone has their own relationship and interpretation of what and how he speaks, and that's what I hear.  He says it sweetly and gently.  And when He is convicting me, He says it sternly, correcting me as a Father does.  It's like "girl, you know I love you. and I smile."

".I'm just trying to give you half as much as you've given me."  I don't owe Him anything, that's the beauty of His love,  but it's my choice, valuing the love I have for Him, to want to do more in His name. 

"I know I'm doing my job, but I'm going to give a little more love out of this heart,"  I've been appointed as an Ambassador for Christ.  I have a position, see the love?  Me, being who I was, who I am and He has seen fit to give me a position for Him.  He said I was part of a Royal Priesthood, that's quite an honor and He has commanded me to love.  Now that sometimes is a hard job, some people make it difficult to love.

Another line says " I'll get down on my knee's to do all I can."  Only in a spiritual nature, I do this.  Kneeling  I come to Him asking, not begging, for He said "I've never seen the righteous forsaken nor his seed begging for bread." But I kneel to say thank you, I love you, forgive me, help me, console me, strengthen me, embrace me.  I kneel for strength, encouragement, in sadness and despair.  I kneel simply to kneel because the mere action of doing so puts me in His presence..  

So when I hear I'll Be Sweeter I know it was sung for the love of a man, and that's what I hear, He was a man.

Remember ME

When you feel the wind it’s me kissing you

And when you feel the sun it’s my spotlight on you

And when you are in the darkness my arms surround you

You use to call my name

Remember me

I sent my son so the tears that fall should be you rejoicing

Did you know I’ve collected them all

I’m here to help you

There’s no reason to hide my love is there to lift you

Remember me

I’ve sent music to encourage you

My words to nourish you

Remember me

I have given you everything you need

When you felt alone I watched you

You had forgotten me

As you lay in bed

Sat in that chair

The things you said in your head

I heard them

I’ve listened to you scream

I saw the same things

You were so angry with me

Believing the lies that were told to you

You didn’t even want to think of me

When you hurt yourself

One more line, one more time,

One more cut, one more empty bed

Another drink, another lie

You had so much hatred

I saw everything

You didn’t want to remember me

So quickly the ones I love forget me

So my beloved

When you open your eyes

Remember me

With each breath you take

Remember I am in you

I said I would never leave you nor forsake you

Stop forgetting about me

When you feel the wind it’s me kissing you

With the sun I’m giving you strength

You can make it through

In the rain I’m cleansing you

And in the darkness when you feel alone

My arms are there comforting you

Remember me

Serenity

SERENITY

I sent you words to a song

Hope you had a chance to read the lyrics, better yet, took the time to listen

Emotionally haunting, bearing emotions I can’t utter

I’ve been sober long enough to remember how good love is, your love is

Do you remember how good love can be, our love was

God, grant me the serenity

Did you lose faith in me, I once lost faith in myself

To accept the things I cannot change

Admittedly, I fell to pieces, destroying what I had, what we had 

Has our story ended, can we at least be friends

The courage to change the things I can

I can only live for today with its share of heartaches, all its pain

The wisdom to know the difference

Will you leave me here

God, grant me

Or will you walk away

The things I cannot change

Believe it or not, I’ve learned to listen

The courage to change things I can

Do I still hold a place in your heart, baby?

The wisdom to know the difference.

I Am History

I've made a conscious decision that as I search for the dead, what can I do to make my own name live on.  Let me make a clarification...I study, live, and breathe genealogy.  My search for the dead sounds creepy, but it's not.  It's an all inclusive embracement of comfort, at least for me.  Finding a piece of a puzzle that pertains to me, it is me.  I am history.

The past fascinates me.  An old neighborhood, the names of the streets and who used to live there.  Changes made to High Street; yet I can see it exactly as it was at one time....from Spruce to Fifth.

Yes, I have children who very well will have their own children, but what else?  What continues a name other than children?  Our contribution to society, the betterment of man and community?

Is this all that I have to represent that I have lived?  No, it will be the world wide web and the questions I have posed out there.

This is one way that it will be known that I was inquisitive and a pursuer of given definition to someone's life.  My genealogy pursuit leases out my own life and gives significant life to another.  Walking before me, paving a way, governing my freedom.  The dead fascinate me, as well as the past, departing from it to the future, the growth, their strength.  Given them now what they deserve, to be known.

This alone represents me historically.  This makes me history.